Thursday, April 19, 2012

Love is always in the air...

  As you can see by the number of posts (the lack of), that I've been absent.  Gone.  Vacant.  I was in 'time-out' and regrouping-my-poo, so to speak.  Life took a turn and I entered a new chapter.  It was time for getting past my past, letting go of the weights of worry, and shedding off a worn-out seasoned shell I'd been wearing like a dutiful solider.  As one of my favorite radio commentators, Paul Harvey, would say and he used as his famous tag-line "The rest of the story....".  Alrighty then, here we go...   

  So many wonderful things in my life have taken place over the last year.  Events that suddenly became shocking and sad....slowly turned into happy and wonderful things. That's how life works. We evolve and learn through our growing pains. We bob and weave through daily life, fight our battles and put out fires, and occasionally celebrate joyful cherished events throughout the years.  Continually, compiling stacks and stacks of memories in our hearts and minds.  Many call that growing up and growing  Agreed.  We all endure those growing pains best we can.  Thankfully, the silver lining is the incredible beauty that emerges and shines through twinkling sparkling eyes, happy smiles, and hearts filled with Love.  I've been reminded that Love can be teeny tiny --AND-- big and monumental all at the same time.  You can't put Love in your pocket, or file it in a cabinet, or hide it in your drawer.  Even if you wanted too, and you tried your darnedest -- you still can't hold it in your hand.  Unless, you're fortunate enough to have been given someone's heart. And, they slip their hand into yours because they want too.  Then you're holding Love.

  It's still amazing to me when you remove negative energy from your life, how quickly the positive light comes shining through.  Simply amazing.  Thank you Lord, Amen!  I wake up nearly every single day  -- H A P P Y.  I've not felt like that...since when?  When was the last time that happened?  I don't think it ever has.  Not like this.  This is an understate: "I'm so so so truly grateful for all the Love and Blessings in my life.".  I cannot find the adequate words to describe it like I'd like too.  What?  Me?  Speechless?  I must be ill.  Yea, I am.  I am love-sick.  I'll get to any rate, today the sun shines brighter, my coffee taste's better in the morning, and I can't stop smiling!  I really think I've stumbled upon the "fountain of youth" for my spirit.  It may not look like it on the outside, but it sure is happening on the inside!  All I can say is that, it's been quite a wonderful far, so good!  :o]

  In the last year, my 1st Grandson Oliver was born.  Mac and Lisa created a beautiful bundle of joy!  For me, holding him just two hours after his birth...yeppers, it was Love at first sight!  My heart was completely overwhelmed with an incredible abundance of unconditional Love.  Tender tears streamed down my face.  In that "I'll never ever forget this moment" good way.  My son, Mac, immediately became a doting Father...he is the best Daddy ever!  He's done just what I suggested and hoped he'd become -- the Father he always wished he had while growing up.  I'm so proud of his big, protective, and nurturing heart.  I'm still getting used to the word "Grandma" because I still see my Mac through my heart's eyes.  He will always be MY 1st little bundle of joy...who's become a Daddy.  How can that be?  Where did the last thirty-three years go?
My 1st Grandchild ~ Oliver
  Every year as a Resolution, I make one of my goals to be "spend more time with my dear family" especially during the holidays.  Which I can now thankfully say I've been doing.  The result I hoped for, is that we each create more precious memories to add to our 'Book of Life'. And gladly, we are!  Life is just that, one great big scrapbook of memories.  It really is the only thing you take with you when God calls you home.  All your memories, your stories, your history, and all the Love you created.  Sadly, we lost Chase's Father, Kent, shortly after Christmas 2010.  Gone to soon.  Way too soon.  I'll try my best to remember and retell the stories he and I shared, for our Chase.  Kent is greatly missed and we will always honor his memory.  Always.  Rest in peace, Kently.

My Precious Loved Ones
  On a happier note, we've gained a few more precious souls to call ours and to Love dearly.  Our circle of Love is growing, causing ripples, and spreading out.  Ain't Love grand?  We have more to welcome into our fold, to hug and hold onto, more to embrace with care, and to share stories with, and more memories to create with each other.  I've always been a BIG believer that "the more you give away...the more you receive.". Because that is what Love is ... it's not what you get ... it's what you give.  I must confess, I've not been very good doing that of late, so hence, my New's Year's Resolution.

  I also started reconnecting with my dear old HS buddies and friends on Facebook.  They actually remembered me!  They didn't know it, but simply recalling our youthful memories brought tears to my eyes.  I had neglected and deprived myself of friendships.  I'd forgotten how important kindred spirits are to me.  They help to provide your spirit healthy 'soul food'.  (How *stoopid* and foolish I've been!  Beth, you big dolt!!)  Good thing one (me) can polish up their (mine) appreciation skills and start anew.

A Few of My Wonderful Dear Friends
  I'm so honored to be able to still call them my friends.  It warms my soul very deeply and profoundly.  What a tremendous gift it has been to "see" them all again on FB, to catch up on their lives and their family, and to read all about the wonderful Love events in their lives. As a young girl, is was easy and so simple to make friends -- even with my extreme shyness. I know that they had no idea,  that as a small child I'd  hide in the bushes at Church to avoid people.  As I grew, I realized that friends are the absolute best gift you can give yourself.  In order to do so, you have to become try to be the kindest one you can be.

  And, finally, I have found the Love of my life via Facebook -- of all places!  I sure didn't see that one coming.  And, neither did he!  I met Ron over 34yrs ago, and (I confess) I had the BIGGEST secret crush on him.  Back then, I was just a mere 17yro dorky teenybopper.  I'd melt into a putty puddle and *swoon* with just a slight glimpse of him..."O M G--it's Ron Powell!!".  He'd sit next to me on the bus while traveling to track meets and I'd try my best to hide my blushing excitement.  I was two years ahead of his class, so I had to be a "cool as a cucumber Senior".  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think a young man like that would ever notice me. Feeling butterflies dance inside is/was an understatement.  Little did this beautiful gentle-giant soul know how he made my heart stand still and took my breath away.  Still does.  Always has.  Always will.

  That was way back then, now fast forward to late May 2011 ... we became reacquainted by writing a mile long message trail on FB.  We eventually decided to meet at Mt Rushmore on a sunny Saturday afternoon in early June. I was a total nervous wreck!  I arrived 45min's early.  Me?!  Early?  Whoaaa.  We both agreed "if one of us does not show up, then we know where we stand. No pressure-no hype-no commitment(s).".  I tried very hard NOT to be excited.  "Ok, don't get your hopes up, Missy.  You're not what you were--you're NOW a silver-haired old Grandma-woman, remember?"...were the reality-of-my-life thoughts swimming 'round in my silly head.  I assumed that he'd be a gentleman and say " was so nice to you see you again, Beth, I wish you all the best with your life.  Take good care...good-bye.".  I'll never forget watching him walk up to me and we immediately embraced each other.  He was trembling in my arms.  Whoa.  Wait a minute...  I was pleasantly surprised and relieved.  Whelp, he didn't "excuse himself" like I had imagined or me either, for the that matter.  Gulp.  I was not prepared for this!  Ruh-roh.

   We spent five hours walking 'n' talking around the 'faces'.  We outlasted every visiting tourist there that day.  Then we toodled down into Keystone for a brewsky for even MORE talking and becoming more familiar with each other.  In my eyes, all I saw was the young man I'd always seen of my yesteryear.  A tall, strong, handsome, intelligent, mannerly, thoughtful, gentle, well spoken, funny, smart...soul.  (Yes, of coarse, I could go on and on -- just ask my sister!).  I had re-entered *swoons-ville*.  Again.  And, yes, the entire time I spent with him I felt ALL the butterflies dance-again, was breathless-again, had very shaky knees-again, my heart pounding in my chest-again, etc... I had become that mere 17yro dorky teenybopper putty-puddle I once was.  Again.

A kazillion (yes, a kazillion) precious tender feelings were rekindled and re-ignited.  Way down deep inside, old smoldering coals were stirred and they warmed the very cockles of my heart. *There IS a God!*  Boy-o-boy, it didn't take long for our sparks to fly!  They resembled those rockets of the 4th of July that soar over George Washington's noggin'!  BIG time!!  I have no doubt that the pupils of my eyes even turned heart-shaped.  I secretly wished that this very special day would never end.  Because, Cloud-9 had just become my new landing pad and parking spot.  Our 'IT' had begun.

  We soon began to spend countless hours talking on the phone and exchanging emails daily. Come to find out, we'd been "passing ships in the night" (so to speak) and right under each others noses for the last fourteen years.  Simply amazing how small the world can seem to be, yet so incredibly huge all at the same time.  Ron and I talk about how the years have flown by and wishing we had had them back to share with each other.  But, God has His grand plan for us all.  I'm simply overwhelmed and extremely grateful to have this time with him now.  It's also the first time in my life, that I can think of "just Beth".  My two wonderful sons are all grown up (mostly), so my Mommy job has entered retirement.  I'm now on Grandma duty.   And, I finally feel like my old self last.  I've missed 'her' -- I've missed my 'self' -- I've missed feeling my spirit.  The elders of this planet know this well, and the young greenhorns eventually learn it...that Love is truly the purest form of soul food that exists.

 Ron ~ the Love of My Life

  That fountain of youth that I mentioned above, is Love.  It rejuvenates your soul, it keeps your heart young and gives it a purpose to work, and it also cleans your inner-house.  It blows off the dust and cobwebs by making your heart pound and race like a run-away stampeding race-horse!  I feel soooo incredibly alive!!  Because, I'm finally living.  Again.  Yep, I'm in full blown "fallen in love".  Finally.  Completely.  Thirty-four years later...better late--than never, right?  I not only fell head-over-heels first...I actually dove off Love's cliff heart first!  I'm thrilled and a wee bit scared all at the same time.  Everyday.  I remind myself that the most worthy things in life, takes much energy and inner courage.  To love authentically requires a truly brave heart...and bravery requires courage.  Especially, when you go cliff diving like I have.    

All in all, I suppose God was busy pulling strings and getting all those stars in line, preparing both of us those last fourteen ears for "our time".  Saving the best for last.  Never give up.  Never give in.  Not only has the Love of my life entered my world, I also have the best friend I could ever hope for.  God is so good, He does answer prayers...when He believes you're finally prepared.  *Tears are welling up now as I write this.*  I've been looking for, waiting for, longing for, aching for, hoping for, and praying for this kind of Love all my life.  Was it worth the wait?  Yes.  Without question.  Absolutely.  Many already know this, I guess I'm a late bloomer...the very BEST things in life DO come to those who wait.

The most important lesson I have learned in this last year, is that Love isn't complicated at all.  People are.  So make it easy for yourself, soak up every drop of Love that washes over you everyday, and then simply return it without expectation.  Be it to your loving soul mate, your precious children, your wonderful family, your furry lil' pals, or your dear ol' friends. My silent little prayer for you all, is that Love is filling your spirit up to it's brim and that you share this gift of abundance with all your Loved ones. And, that you sprinkle it around like fairy dust wherever you go without reservation or hesitation.

Trust me, the more you give away...the more you will receive.  Always.  In all ways.
Because that's what Love is -- it's not what you's what you give.

Never give up on Love . . . it will never fail you.